Sunday, October 09, 2005

Soothing Comfort

The year has been a hard one; so much change to navigate. Threads which once kept me safely rooted were pulled and stretched as I stumbled once again down rocky paths. Settling into this new home kept me slightly off center. We have nested now with our birds; they feasting on seeds and nuts while we feast on nature. These evergreens shelter us all from unknown elements.

Getting ready for a long winter's nap our summer flowers sway in the breeze from the lake; dahlias taller than we are hang their heads in the wind. Tired from summer's push, the swirling butterfly plants rest their heavy branches on the ground. Our feathered friends search for manna to savor and store for the cold, wet days ahead. We do a similar ritual with vegetable soup - making extra portions for the freezer. The rains flirt with us as autumn greets these shorter days and longer nights; the drizzle of fall and winter keeping our flora lush and green in this, the "emerald city."

Growing new roots has meant vulnerability - trusting my environment enough to open myself. I must be nurtured through tentative beginnings. I watch my husband gardening, see his hands open the tightened roots to encourage attachment to the new soil which will host them. It is all the same. We must open ourselves to the nutrients surrounding us - so we can become our full selves and flourish.

The kindness of strangers is debatable, but not so the kindness of my beloved; he is always there. For 5 years now he has been as certain as the light of each new morning. Yesterday he painted my toenails because it hurt for me to bend my painful hip. Some days he dries my hair because my arms ache if I hold them in the air too long. He takes such gentle care of me, the way one does when handling a valuable treasure.

Burying my face into his shoulder keeps me plastered so close to him at night he sometimes senses he will fall from the bed. He worries that he might disturb my sleep so he tries to slide us over quietly instead of asking me to move. I am learning more about love each day. His is an unselfish attention. Will I ever be as generous and as kind as he?

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